errotic - erotic
loose - lose (if you meant that he lost himself in the music)
"the way his arms were encircled (is unnecessary, because it's a repetition, because circle and round means the same. Plus, encircle is used wrong, it means go surround or go AROUND something or someone) around me - it felt so damn right that it scares me."
" I knew him too much" - should be too well
"Here he was - the love of my life - asking me to stay with him for the night, and yet I refuse. This was Noh Min Woo we’re talking about here, the very same man whose mere gaze makes the hearts of girls swoon in delight - just as he does with mine." - Before this part your story is past tense (with a sprinkle of present here and there), but here it's present tense.
"I fumble for words to say, to mask out the hurt and painful struggle that I was (past tense) feeling at the moment, and ended up saying, “Yah... Chugo re?” God, I sounded awful." - right in the middle of this sentence you're changing tenses.
"I felt him withdrew both his hands" - withdrew should be withdraw. And if you are going to use "both" then it should be "both of..." except for that it doesn't need to be there. Because all humans (most of us) only have two, so it automatically means both when you say "I felt him withdraw his hands".
I feel like stopping here, because I feel like I'm attacking you. Which isn't the case. I just notices the first two, and then noticed the others and wanted to share what I found. I thought it would be better if you see them than me mentioning that there are some mistakes.
This short story was interesting, and who doesn't love Rose? But not my cup of tea. Never liked fan - idol stories. So I don't really have anything to say... Oh! Except for your description of him on his drums and how he was with his music. Just wonderful. Your description was somewhat raw, and pulled me in. Loved it.
Author's Response: Hi!!!
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS!!! ^___________^
No, I do not think you are attacking me. On the contrary, I love constructive criticisms!
Very few people give that around here, so it was such a pleasant surprise to read this!
This was actually something I wrote just to thwart me out of writer's block last year.
And because Rose is hot. Hee.
Again, THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! I don't know when I'll be able to edit this, but I'll really keep the things you said in mind. =)