"I think it's impossible for me not to want you...especially when you're close enough to touch."
Japanese Entertainment Characters:
Miura Haruma, NEWS: Koyama Keiichiro
Drama, RomanceStory Type:
Multi-Chaptered, Song FicWarnings:
Dark, Fictional Character(s), Sexual References, Vulgar Language
Sep 16, 2013 Updated:
Feb 19, 2014
I own nothing :) not the song this was inspired by, not the actors who are chosen to represent my characters in this story.
Thank you for reading :)
1. Story of My Life by Anna Clair
2. Keep Avoiding Me by Anna Clair
3. Love My Company by Anna Clair
4. Searching For the Right by Anna Clair
5. Clouds Are Rolling In by Anna Clair
6. Gone Again by Anna Clair
7. A Lie I Didn't Have to Tell by Anna Clair
8. More Than Love by Anna Clair
Story of My Life by Anna Clair
Faith is a novella based upon the following song by Rihanna.
I hope you all enjoy it :) especially you Talia.
p.s. more like this are coming so everyone get exciteddd
It started off quite simply, as these sorts of things had a tendency to.
She was attending a business dinner with her boyfriend, Haruma, nothing all that interesting. In fact, it was quite the opposite as Talia took her spot, their arms entrenched in each other’s as they smiled towards each other and everyone who came their way. She laughed at all the right jokes and even made friends with all the right women gabbing about useless make up tips and pretentious office gossip.
And then they all sat around those dreaded circle tables. She was neatly sandwiched between Koyama Keiichiro, Haruma’s boss, and Haruma. After dinner, Haruma decided to step out for a second with his friends for a smoke.
Talia didn’t approve of course but she let him go after Haruma gave her a desperate look, silently pleading for his freedom. It wasn’t like she was lonely at the table, one of Haruma’s friend’s wives was here too …so she allowed him to burn his lungs to hell. It wasn’t like he was quitting anytime soon anyways, even if she’d all but begged him to.
After he was gone, she gulped back the filled glass of wine that she hadn’t touched all throughout dinner.
She looked back around the room. Haruma wasn’t back yet and the waiter seemed to be heading straight to her with a tray full of drinks.
When she grabbed the second drink, she was only silently aware of the way Haruma’s boss was looking at her. He probably didn’t approve of her behaviour, thought she was a gaijin crazy. She rolled her eyes to herself, what the hell did he know? More than 2 drinks in 15 minutes? Quel horrible!
Not like she cared. Though Haruma might if it was brought up what a brazen drinker his American girlfriend was in some sort of team meeting.
The waiter was back and she practically lunged for another glass off the tray.
Within seconds though the glass was snatched out of her hands and she turned to look at the snatcher with an offended expression. “How dare you.” She hissed, pulling the glass rather roughly from Haruma’s boss’ hands and taking a rather large gulp of Merlot. “Where do you get off taking my glass? I can choose to have as much wine as I want.”
“I never said you couldn’t,” He corrected, a quirky sort of rise touching his left eyebrow. “In fact be my guest, but you’ve just been snatching my glasses and I thought I’d let you know.”
She felt her mouth part slightly in annoyance. Did he even know what he was talking about? “It was in my hand, and the waiter was trying to serve me-”
“Ah but really did the waiter ever serve you wine?” He pointed out and suddenly Talia realized that no he hadn’t…in fact the waiters only seemed to be serving old bald men who were most likely executives like- just like this man. “They only serve the networking executives.” His fingers wrapped around the long stem of the clear crystal once he saw realization dawn on her face. She saw him slowly take a gulp of the wine, leaving the glass half full as he placed it back down in front of her.
“I’m sorry.” She uttered softly as she kept her eyes away from his. There was nothing to be so terrified about, the guy actually looked rather nice but Talia felt like she had done something horribly wrong on this otherwise perfect evening where she had made a wonderful impression on everyone here.
“Please don’t be,” His voice prompted her to lift her gaze to his and she felt her breath sucked out of her as he leaned just the slightest forward, his voice just the slightest bit louder than a whisper. “I enjoyed sharing my drinks with you.” Then he walked away, Koyama Keiichiro didn’t do anything lecherous like lick his lips or say anything else that would make Talia twist uncomfortably in her seat but there it was.
Really he hadn’t said anything at all...there was no reason for her to be uncomfortable.
Keep Avoiding Me by Anna Clair
The next time she had the pleasure of meeting the man who had made her feel so uncomfortable, she was all knees and elbows and klutz.
She fell flat on her face at the company baseball game trying to get a home run. In fact she’d fallen quite literally right on top of him in her determination to get that extra point for her team.
To be honest, she’d barely remembered him and how uncomfortable Koyama Keiichiro had made her until that moment. Koyama Keiichiro was a perfect gentleman about the whole thing of course. Almost immediately he rolled out from under her and the rest of the people around them laughed it off and so did he. Talia could only smile bashfully and accept the way everyone was teasing her competitive nature.
For the mere five seconds they had been practically wrapped in each other Koyama Keiichiro’s eyes had seemed hard pressed to peer into the very depths of her mind. Their only desire to push her limits until he could find out all that was possible from a mere five seconds of uncomfortable eye contact.
“She’s a good scorer, Miura.” He grinned teasingly as he offered her compliments through her boyfriend…who she was standing right beside. Was he avoiding speaking to her or just trying to annoy her? How tactful either ways.
“Thanks,” Talia replied back defiantly. Keiichiro glanced at her and nodded. Once, Miura looked away for a moment, he looked back at her again. Eager to catch her eye and initiate some sort of silent conversation with her…Talia kept her eyes safely away from his.
Yet even she had to admit that there was something quite strange about how she was able to understand exactly what he was saying when she was not hearing it. When his mouth wasn’t moving and yet she was shocked that she seemed to be the only one here who understood what he was telling her.
Until of course, he confirmed it with his own mouth. “You looked good out there today.” He said quickly in English. It’s so quick and so fluent that it caught her off guard. After three years of Japanese all around her, her ear almost failed her. Her own mother tongue had started sounding foreign to her. She was not used to hearing English anymore.
She must have looked quite confused because he seemed to start laughing at her as Haruma looked back at them. She couldn’t help but think he was a little too courageous to say something like that in such a public place. His only assurance that no one else would bother to take the effort to translate what he’d said in their minds to figure out that he’d all but hit on her.
Maybe she was overreacting. “Thanks,” She replied back dumbly as Koyama grasped her hand in a firm handshake and smiled in a way that unnerved her.
After he walked away, Haruma pressed a quick kiss to her forehead. “Good job out there today babe.” She looked back up into her boyfriend’s eyes and almost forgot all about his peculiar boss.
Later that night, when Koyama Keiichiro’s honey brown eyes flashed like a neon alarm sign in her mind she was caught off guard. She didn’t recognize them, they’re not familiar to her…and yet those same eyes felt like a strange inviting pool of warmth and sweetness. Like a promise of more.
She shrugged it off and sat herself down on their plush beige couch, cuddling up to Haruma as they watched the newest Matsumoto Jun drama.
It was just a look. A five second encounter of the visual kind.
Nothing to piss her pants about.
Wooot! Double update complete....should we keep going?
Yes why not lets keep going :)
Love My Company by Anna Clair
The third time she met Koyama Keiichiro she found herself floundering as she looked at the man behind the messy desk, looking aggravated as he tried to make sure everything that needed to be cleared was.
They had told her this would be Haruma’s new office, she had never imagined this was Koyama Keiichiro’s old office. “Hi,” He smiled as he looked up to see her, and again…he spoke in English. Talia knew she was being paranoid, but it felt like he spoke in English to allow their conversation a certain degree of privacy, like a screen over the meaning of the few innocent words they had exchanged so far.
It was an absurd thought for her to have given that this man didn’t even really know her and so why on earth would he want to have a private conversation with her? “This isn’t Haruma’s office.” She replied back carefully in English.
“No, I don’t think it is yet. It will be when I move up to the 25th floor in about 10 minutes.” His grin was playful as he examined her expression towards him. “Why do you look like you’re dissecting everything I say?”
Talia chose to ignore that statement. She’d be damned if she told him she was, and she’d be damned if she lied and said she wasn’t. “So you’ve been promoted as well.”
“Junior Vice-President…yes, Miura will report directly to me.” Talia gulped as she nodded. Right. This guy was now Haruma’s direct boss. “Don’t worry.” He joked, his teeth poking out of his mouth teasingly. For someone who was supposed to be the man taking care of Haruma’s entire team, Talia found him entirely too playful. “I’ll take good care of your boyfriend.”
“Thanks, if that’s all I guess I’ll-“
“Why don’t you stay?” He pointed to the desk chairs in front of him. “These aren’t going anywhere…and they’ll be Miura’s property in 10 minutes. He’ll be here. It’s practically your office now.” Talia shrugged. Okay, that was true. She was supposed to be here to help Haruma celebrate his promotion in his new office and set up the room, why shouldn’t she stay? “So you’re from the US?”
“Yes.” She replied back tightly. Something about this guy made her nervous. He came down to sit beside her and she raised an eyebrow.
“It’s not like it’s my office anymore…feels wrong to sit on that chair when it’s Miura’s now.” He explained pointing towards the lush leather seat in front of the two of them. Talia imagined for a second that Haruma was there, watching the two of them have this conversation and immediately tried to clear the image from her mind. It had made her heart jump in her throat for absolutely no reason.
All she really wanted to do was look at the guy beside her, it was a peculiar feeling. It was one she didn’t understand. She barely knew this guy and she felt like all she wanted to do right now was stare until she felt her eyes burn with tears at the sight of this man beside her. “Aren’t you going to ask?”
“Ask what?” She replied back. She had a number of things she wanted to ask him.
She wanted to ask him if she was being delusional, if she was being ridiculous to imagine that he was- looking at her and she wanted to ask him if any of what she’d asked him made any sense whatsoever?
“Why I’m so good at English?” Oh…that. She hadn’t been wondering about that but it gave her an excuse to stare at him at least for another 30 seconds, so why not when he had so readily provided them with an excuse to talk to each other and there would be nothing wrong with it?
“Okay…why are you so good at English?”
“I studied in the U.S., nothing fancy or traumatic about that story. I stayed there for four years until I was 16. My parents wanted to move me over there at an age where I was old enough that I never forgot my culture, and young enough to absorb the new culture I was thrown into. Of course I haven’t gone back there since though.” Talia tilted her head to the right. He was being rather open with her right now…and it felt strange to say the least. She’d learned in her time here that for most people it was hard for them to trust a foreigner so easily with information about themselves. Why was Koyama Keiichiro so open?
“Why haven’t you been back?”
“All my family is here.” The way he steered the conversation was so easy, like he was trying to make her comfortable with all this talk about family and education and migration. “Do you miss it? Your home?”
“I go back every two years or so. It’s not that bad.” She’d been back just last spring, with Haruma. “I moved here with the intention of never returning…so I’m glad things have turned out the way they have.”
“Miura and you are in a pretty serious relationship huh?” He asked softly. There it was again, the look that was searching for an answer. An answer to a question he hadn’t asked. Not really. But she’d heard it nevertheless.
“Yes we are.” Her reply came out breathy and soft despite her best efforts to control the sound and tone of her voice around him.
“That’s good.” It must have been her imagination but Koyama’s face appeared to be the slightest bit closer to hers. “I’m happy for you two.” And then he moved back. “The man of the hour is here.” He stood up and grinned back towards the door as Talia looked away from him and down at herself to collect her thoughts and expressions before she turned around to see Haruma.
Then she got up and smiled happily at her boyfriend, enveloping his suit-dressed figure in the tightest of hugs, breathing in the familiar scent of the mint soap he used. Then she dug her head into his chest so she could hide her expression for just one more second.
She was not sure what she looked like right now but she was sure it didn’t look happy.
She was pretty sure it looked confused.
And that's it for tonight :) thank you all for reading these chapters of Faith :). I really like this story, it's a very subtle forbidden romance, not at all like the tawdry awesomeness I normally write filled to the brim with sexual tension. This one seems more classy to me O.O I hope you all feel that way too even though at the premise it's about...you guessed it if you heard the song so I won't say anymore XD
Thank you all for everything Talia my love I hope you enjoyed it and good night!
Searching For the Right by Anna Clair
Faith's Chaptah Fo FO Tali's Burdays bros :DDD birthday message is in the end note if you guys want to skip it and read that :)
The next time she saw him it was an accident. She’d been shopping for art supplies at the local art store and before she knew what had happened she had quite literally bumped headfirst into this wall of a man, wearing quite the pleasant gray wool coat. It felt warm and scratchy against her face as she stumbled backwards, her black infinity scarf snagging on a wayward button, leaving her stuck to the stranger. “I’m sorry,” She muttered laughing awkwardly, she still hadn’t looked up to see his face.
“That’s okay…I’m happy I bumped into you like this.” That caught her attention. She glanced up quickly to see who it was and found herself gulping back an overly large knot in her throat.
“Call me Keiichiro please. Koyama-san sounds too formal.” He meant this in the friendliest manner possible, but Talia blushed nevertheless. Somehow over the duration of time she’d been living in Japan she’d lost the ability to casually refer to someone she didn’t know by their first name. It almost felt too personal…but then again she was probably all warped up in her head. “It’s been a while since I’ve had someone use my first name without a suffix. So you shop here too?”
“Just when I run out of supplies.” She grinned back up at him as she finally managed to wrench herself away from his jacket, his button safely at his side, her scarf safely at hers. “I’m all out of paints.” She pointed to her basket, stocked with an assortment of primary colors, white and black. Koyama grinned as he looked down at her basket with a barely shielded amused expression.
“So you’re a painter?”
“Only when I’m feeling emotionally tortured and writing isn’t working out.” She explained switching the basket from one hand to another in attempt to give her hands something else to do than wring themselves nervously together in front of this man. At his confused expression she tried to elaborate. Why would a painter write? Or a writer paint? “I’m a published author. Writing’s my real first love. Painting is an escape.”
“How sad.” He uttered a barely concealed smile playing on the corners of his lips.
The idea that he was mocking her made her a bit upset. How could he just stand there and look at her with all these subliminal cues nestled in his body language? “Why would it be sad?”
“Well...if you consider writing your first love, sorry if this sounds rude but then you’ve never really fallen in love, have you?” Keiichiro astutely noticed and Talia furrowed her eyebrows. Now that he put it that way, she understood exactly what he meant. And that was far too a personal observation to be discussing in the middle of the children’s art section with a man who was her boyfriend’s boss. “I mean if you’d really been head over heels for someone and blown away by the passion of a relationship you could never say writing was your first love because it wouldn’t be a pen or paper that came to your mind at the thought of the word ‘love’ but rather a face no?” As his eyes scanned her face for an expression he corrected himself quickly. He must have started to understand that his words were a little too much for her. Really she wasn’t supposed to be having these sorts of conversations with her boyfriend’s boss…or anyone really. Somehow right now she felt like a failure. She also felt considerably angry that he thought he could be so open with her. “I don’t mean to be irritating really what the hell do I know-“
“You’re not.” She bit out quickly trying to assure both him and herself that he wasn’t…but he was. How could he not be? The entire persona of this man was annoying. He was an annoyingly beautiful magnet that she found herself drawn to…and now he’d made an annoyingly obvious observation about her life that she didn’t want him to know. She didn’t even want herself to willingly acknowledge this.
Talia had always made Keiichiro out to be a bit of a villain in her mind, but then why did she so willingly speak casually with him? Why did she give him ammunition by which to sway her? Why did she let him speak to her this way? “You’re right.” She should leave. She should leave right now.
She must have looked crestfallen because Keiichiro looked alarmed as he saw her make a move to leave. “I’ll-“ She started again but before she had a chance to say much more he’d spoken again.
“Would you have coffee with me?” His words didn’t sound nervous as much as rushed, as if this opportunity was already running away from him and he had to do all he can to just keep it here a little longer. “I’d like to-“ He wasn’t sure how to complete the sentence, she saw his fingers twist as if they were looking for occupation. She looked at him peculiarly. What on earth was this guy doing? He held himself up with the posture and stature of a man of dignity but when it came to his mind he seemed particularly impish. “I’d like to talk to you after I cash these out.” He pointed to his basket, filled to the brim with scrapbooking materials. “Mother’s birthday gift.” He explained smiling.
It was the most honest thing any guy had ever said to her. So it felt wrong to dismiss it and she nodded.
What the hell was a coffee in the long run of things anyways?
Happy birthday Talia :) I thought for your birthday I'd be able to mass update this but I ended up being so swamped! I'm so sorry! But I finally finished so now was a great time to get some of these up :D! I hope you enjoyed this! You are one of the most awesome people I know and I hope that you get everything you want in love, life and your career :) You're super hard working and one of the sweetest girls (and sisters :D!) i know!
Thank you for being my friend :)
Clouds Are Rolling In by Anna Clair
Minutes after they were cashed out, Talia found herself sipping a cinnamon mocha latte at The Bulldog, a café she had always loved but she was shocked to find Koyama steering them towards it.
Barely anyone she knew came to the little boutique coffee shop. It was too out of the way, a treat, but Talia couldn’t imagine drinking coffee anywhere else. Not when it was made so lovingly, with just the right measures of ingredients rather than the haphazard way she usually got her coffee at corporate franchise stores. In some ways it was the perfect place, no one she knew would find them. Somehow she’d like it kept like that. The shorter this whole exchange of conversation was, the better.
Reminding herself of this, she chose to gulp down an overly large amount of the coffee, sure it burned her throat but she’d finished approximately 1/8 of her cup in one shot, only 7/8 to go.
“So how have you been in the two months since I saw you last?” Keiichiro asked smiling as he spun his spoon his coffee but his eyes were fixed on her face. He seemed like the type of guy who would go ahead with whatever he wanted.
Most people were only along for the ride. Keiichiro made the decisions, you lived with them. “I’ve been good. I just came from a meeting with my publisher and editor actually. I had a Skype session with them at the Tokyo division of their company.”
“What kinds of stories do you write?” He asked straight up. He seemed genuinely interested which made her heart swell a little bit with happiness. Normally, most people in her life asked for the sake of asking, or to find out if they had invariably become some sort of muse in her life…mostly selfish reasons.
“Love stories.” Again he smiled ironically and she couldn’t help but shift in her seat uncomfortably as he looked at her. “What?”
This time, unlike their exchange a few minutes ago, he chose his words carefully phrased to make sure she wouldn’t want to run away from him screaming. “It’s funny…you seem so passive about love in reality that’s all.”
“Passive?” She uttered. The way this guy prompted her mind to analyze herself, it was too much really. She was sure she was going to start developing wrinkles if she spent more time with him than was necessary. She wasn’t that passive about it was she? She was…well wasn’t she in love right now? Was her relationship with Haruma just passive? Hearing him describe it as such was making her mind a little bit confused, like it was getting lost in this murky smog of adjectives.
Again, he chose his words carefully, a few seconds of silence passing the time as she examined the way his eyes peered away from her face as he spoke. “You don’t really seem like you’re in it for the love. You seem like you’re in it for the security.”
“I’m in it for the love.” She corrected him and he shrugged it off casually as if to say ‘If that’s what you think’. “What would you know?”
At this point he turned to look quite blatantly at her, smiles abound on his face. This was a topic he could joke about, albeit the circumstances that led him to his jovial behaviour were dire indeed but that didn’t mean the comedic and life value of his past experiences wasn’t there. “I happen to be an expert on this topic.”
“Sleeping around with women doesn’t make you an expert.” She corrected him and saw him turn to look at her as in admiration. He mustn’t have expected her to be so blunt with him.
“Contrary to what you think,” He scratched his throat, folding his fingers together in a conjoined fist as he peered at her again. “I don’t sleep around. In fact, I haven’t been in a serious relationship for almost a year.” His eyes connected with hers and she felt it again, this was the gaze that had kept her awake so many nights when her mind drifted off to him when she had no control over herself. It was the same type of gaze she’d felt at the baseball game but now neither of them had anywhere or anyone to look away to. It was like they were naked in front of each other but in an even more private way than it would have been physically. She felt like he read too easily into her emotional insecurities…and how could he when he barely knew her?
And yet he seemed to know her better than most people, people who she had actually tried to talk to about how she felt. When she realized they really didn’t care, she realized she didn’t need to care about how she felt either. She could just shove it away to the side. Deal with later, if ever. “How would I know whether you’re saying the truth?”
“You wouldn’t. Trust your instincts then.” There was a sense of warmth emitting from his appearance. Something that made her feel innately comfortable with him, and it wasn’t the sort of warmth that came from fake charmers but something that felt more genuine. “I’m an executive with very little time to play around. If I’m not marrying her in the future…I wouldn’t care about the woman sitting in front of me right now.”
“I’m an executive with very little time to play around. If I’m not marrying her in the future…I wouldn’t care about the woman sitting in front of me right now.” The words came out so nonchalantly and obviously that they hit her like a brick wall. It was the most open overture she’d ever felt from him. She was dumbstruck. Her mouth parched like she’d walked miles in a desert. She reached for her cup of coffee rather shakily as she heard him speak again. “I don’t mean you in particular. I mean in general. I don’t flirt around because I don’t have the time to fuck off.” He corrected himself and she blinked quickly looking down at her lap. She didn’t respond. How could she? She didn’t really know what to say. She heard him sigh painfully though as if he was aggravated with himself. “You can stop looking so scared Talia.”
What the hell was she doing? Cup of coffee over or not, she needed to be leaving. “I should be going.”
“Because you would like for it to mean you in particular?” He tilted his head sideways and Talia gulped as she stood up and arranged herself. This was ridiculous. She started walking out aware of Keiichiro following her every step as her heels clanged along the sidewalk. “It was a joke Talia.” She felt his cold breath touch her ears and shivered irritably.
“It wasn’t a joke, you said it yourself. You don’t have time to mess around or fuck off. Why would you spend your time messing around with my head? Just for kicks?” She huffed loudly, the cold air in her lungs coming out foggy. “Don’t lie to me. I can tell you’re not messing around. You don’t just- look at me like that for nothing.” She shifted her gaze downwards to keep herself from getting distracted by his eyes. He looked like he pitied her. “You don’t just say the things you do for the hell of it.”
He growled a little as he stomped his foot idly in on the ground. She made a move to leave again but he stepped in front of her, blocking her path. “So you’d like me to be honest then? With you? Completely? No matter what? No fear like you had in the art store. You need to not look like I’m about to kill you with my words if you want me to be honest.”
“Yes.” She glanced up at him. Was that even an option? This complete open honesty? She was afraid of what he would say yes, but another part of her still was curious.
“Okay,” He nodded and then spoke slowly, as if to let the words sink into her skin. “I think you’re attractive.”
That was it? “Okay. I can handle that.” Talia sighed deeply. “If that’s it-“ She made a move to leave again but he clutched her wrist and pulled her back to stand in front of him so quickly she almost stumbled off her heels and fell.
He did not let go of her wrist instantaneously. She did not wrench it free.
“That’s not it. I think you’re brilliant.” She gulped. “I don’t often end up like this. Thinking only of a pair of eyes, twinkling with plans and thoughts and god knows what. I don’t care about these things because I don’t have time to…and yet here I am so obviously caring about you. I’m only happy to see your boyfriend at company functions because I know that inevitably he’ll be bringing you along and I get another few precious moments to glance into the soul of a woman who shines brighter than any other in the room. She bleeds honesty and dignity and pride with every word she speaks. She’s confident and tall, and I like what she stands for.” He let go of her hand. He was giving her the option to leave. “I think it’s impossible for me not to want you, when you’re close enough to touch.” She shifted slightly backwards but his hand reached out to her face anyways, his fingers running across her skin. “Sometimes I think you’re an illusion. A test.”
She shivered, his fingers were like ice and against her flushed cheeks they felt entirely too nice. His words even nicer, how could she move away when everything he said had basically melted her heart? Her guard? She was powerless right now, weak and vulnerable in front of him. “I’m not trying to test you.” She managed to utter out. “I’m sorry-“
“Why are you sorry when I’m the one whose wrong here? I know you don’t want this. I know you want to be in your innocent little cocoon with Haruma because honestly that’s not a bad place.” He corrected her and she felt him come closer to her. Her eyes grew larger, had his teeth always been so perfectly aligned and straight? Why did he look so happy to just look at her? No one should look that happy at the mere sight of someone. He tilted his head. “If you forgive me for everything that happens, whatever happens, then that’ll be enough.” He moved so quickly she didn’t have a chance to escape, her feet felt glued to the ground. His lips touched hers, it was a soft, intimate gesture. His eyes were shut, and hers fell shut for just a second. She felt like she was safe in the chaste kiss. His hands drifted to her neck and pulled her to him. She felt her lips move against his, just the slightest and slowly, but surely, as their lips marked each other’s and their surroundings blurred between buildings and streets and rooms and a bed and together and finally -
Talia was certain of this.
She fell in love.
A Lie I Didn't Have to Tell by Anna Clair
She didn’t seek him out again. It was a one-time mistake, and she understood that. Haruma was comfort and a sanctuary. Keiichiro was safe and something of a dream, like a fantasy that barely happened and she knew she was supposed to stay away now. This was where it had to end if she wanted to keep him a dream.
She was almost sure she did want to keep him that way. See the problem was Talia was never certain about anything and this whole scenario had blown in unexpected, so it happened to be one of those things. The guilt ate at her sure, but she made sure she made up for it to Haruma in other ways when she saw how idiotically in love Haruma was with her. She hadn’t realized it before and now it seemed almost cruel that he looked at her like she was his world, that he passed her the remote and that he woke up early on Sundays to make her breakfast because he knew how lazy she was and that she wouldn’t make her mother’s pancake recipe because it took 2 hours.
But he would.
Because he wasn’t passive about this.
Keiichiro had been right. As much as she hated him for it. He was right about most things.
So she started to make it up to Haruma, because otherwise really how else could she live with herself?
She threw him the world’s greatest birthday party, she surprised him with the suit that he’d wanted forever with an advance she got for her next book, and she called his mother over to stay with them for a whole weekend and didn’t say a word as the Japanese woman bullied her so obviously, even in front of Haruma. She didn't even say a word about how upset she was that Haruma didn't bother to stand up for her.
That was how perfect a girlfriend she was going to be.
She would be overly mature about this whole thing because she had messed up. She had messed up big time and she knew that. She was reminded of that.
Every single day.
It happened sometimes when she was putting her jacket on, and she remembered the way Keiichiro’s thumb grazed past her shoulder as he took it off her frame, letting it fall to the marble floor of his apartment.
Other times it happened when she sipped her lacklustre coffee from Starbucks purposefully avoiding The Bulldog, just in case there was a chance she ran into him.
Most times it was when she was alone at home, hiding under her blanket like a little girl with a secret to keep with mere echoes of her memories.
Haruma of course had no idea. How could he?
But sometimes Talia wondered if he was just pretending, or if he actually was just that selfish and actually didn’t notice the small ways she had changed since she'd spent that night at her 'friend's' house.
Or maybe it wasn't Haruma's fault...maybe it was her fault because Talia herself was so good at pretending. She wasn’t sure. All she knew was it was starting to feel a bit exhausting all this acting like a perfect girlfriend when really she was starting to realize just how flawed she was for this man who was irrevocably in love with her. That she knew was her fault. She was trying so hard to make up for something he didn’t even know about, and it was driving her mad.
Keiichiro had called her since that night exactly twice. He left her a message once. The other time she heard him take an intake of a breath and hang up. The first message was not a great message that desperately asked her to call him back. Nothing overly romantic or dire or desperate…because Keiichiro was not that sort of man, he just mentioned that he hoped she was doing well and that if he had done something to upset her, he was sorry.
Keiichiro always got what he wanted, and he'd wanted her. She was just along for the ride.
It was that simple and Talia hated him a little bit for it. He was so calm, like some sort of being who had transcended human emotions. She hated that he didn’t seem to sound frantic when inside her entire being was completely rattled by the choice she had made that day on a whim. On a stupid fucking whim.
She hated that sometimes she thought it was the best choice she had ever made. It didn’t make sense. How could hurting the man she had spent so many years with, who cared for her so much, ever be the right choice?
She was slipping away from Miura. To him it looked like they were closer than ever. Like everything was perfect because everything they’d ever conflicted on, she made it a point to resolve.
He had no idea how far apart they were growing.
More Than Love by Anna Clair
Faith Chapter 8 bitchesss :D cause it's anniversary dayyy :D whutwhutwhutwhut
Talia gulped down a glass of red wine as she looked to her boyfriend.
Who had spent the past 30 minutes stressing about his outfit. She laughed a bit to herself, he was becoming more of a girl than she was.
Miura turned to look at her sourly. He was preoccupied with buttoning up his vest. “Talia don’t drink so early on in the evening.”
“Sorry…I’m nervous.” She slipped and he looked at her strangely. He had every right to look at her that way too. Why would she, on the day Miura was getting an award, be nervous? “I’m worried for you. You’ve always been a bit of a klutz.” She smiled and walked up to her boyfriend, pressing a kiss to his nose. It was an innocent gesture and it made Haruma smile back at her, all suspicion erased from his face as their arms looped together, ready to take on the night like a pair of celebrities with perfect fake smiles plastered on their faces.
Talia proved to be a rather useless partner. She was discarded off to the side in most conversations once Haruma started speaking with passion about his future initiatives, wowing and impressing everyone from the janitor to the CEO. That was what she loved about her boyfriend, he never saw anyone as beneath him. He actually chose to care about everyone equally…and it was a trait that though she admired sometimes she wished she could be treated just a little bit more specially. She was his girlfriend after all, his one and only companion in bed and out, she hoped.
Was she allowed to hope such things when she'd messed up the way she had?
After a few tiresome dead conversations where she'd stood like a blank fish staring at the rest of his co-workers she decided she'd be better off disappearing to the lobby. She hadn’t spotted Koyama yet either. She had overheard someone say that he would be late. Which was just as well, maybe she could convince Haruma to leave before he even showed up, maybe there was hope yet that today wouldn’t be-
“Hi,” She turned to look at her side. Koyama took a seat beside her on this plush beige leather ottoman. His black hair stood out today, maybe it had something to do with his grey suit…and Talia kept her gaze steady on him. She liked looking at him like this, polished and ready to make an impression as the textbook image of perfection and the visual definition of dashing. It was a little strange that this man would be interested in her, not that she was unattractive or anything but she was almost certain she wasn’t his ‘type’ to say the least. He seemed responsible, a Jackie type of guy where really she was more of a Marilyn.
After a moment of them just peering at each other, he smirked and looked away as if he’d read all her thoughts and they’d made him happy. There was no hint of tension on his face, even if it was the first time he’d seen her since he’d fallen asleep and she’d slipped out quickly in the dead of the night. “Bored?” He asked her, his deep voice reminding her of nonsensical things he'd whispered in her ear before.
She felt a small tremor run through her hands as she struggled to maintain control over herself. She couldn't show a shred of emotion. “A little.” She admitted. She gulped as she felt his eyes back on her. They were intent, a strong force and she had no idea whether she was supposed to look back or not. She should get up and leave, it felt as if the mere act of sitting beside him would be enough proof that she had wanted to break Miura’s heart by letting this man stray her away from her 'duties'.
“Do I make you anxious?” He asked, his voice now a little softer than before. She was thankful everyone had kept themselves in the banquet hall and that there was no one here in this marble lobby to look at her as she turned to look at him quite nervously indeed. “I guess that expression answers my question.” He laughed at her so openly, and loudly for that matter, that it made her uncomfortable. How could he ever expect her to be comfortable in this situation? She stood up and got ready to walk away but he latched onto her hand tightly and pulled her back to him. They were standing face to face.
She felt body transport itself to the last time he had done that. This time she was going to be smarter, she was going to be one step ahead. She wrenched her hand away from him. “Leave me alone.” She muttered out ready to walk away when she heard his voice call after her and froze.
“Is that really what you want?” He tilted his head sideways as she twisted herself around. Leaving felt like it would be a mistake. “I could. I have actually…other than a misguided 2AM call and an apology message I have stayed away haven’t I?” Talia did not know what to say about this Koyama Keiichiro. He was alarmingly honest…and alarmingly perceptive as she was deemed to find out. “You don’t look any happier.”
“Why do you care if I’m happy or not?” She spat out. She was happy! She was! What did this idiot even know about her?
“I don’t know. I don’t know you…and I shouldn’t care.”
“That’s not good enough.”
“But I do.”
“Still not good enough for me to continue this conversation.”
“Why are you so scared of me?” He shot back.
“You make me fuck up.” She spat out as she came closer to him, her voice dropped to a whisper. She saw how alarmed he look, he hadn’t expected her to come back to him a storm beckoning at her heels. “You make me think, you make me question. You make me want things that don’t matter. That shouldn’t matter. You are a curse.” She hissed and felt herself surprised at the way Koyama smiled back at her. “Why are you smiling?”
“Is it that they don’t matter Talia…or that they shouldn’t? Is it that I’m useless or I’m the best mistake you've ever made? Is it that you want to walk away because of Miura or because you're scared you're dying to make it again and you can't hold yourself back?” It was like he’d ducked himself into her mind and stolen her thoughts and for a second she felt highly like her privacy had been invaded but he had done none of that. He had just said exactly what she had said to him. “Kiss me Talia.”
“What?” She spat out as she looked around them. Thankfully the lobby was still empty because she was sure someone would catch them like this with their faces so close to each other that she could feel his breath on her cheeks, warming them up, and their eyes staring up at the other with innuendo and suggestion, lips daring each to break social norms and conventions and throw it all to hell. “You don’t know what you’re saying.”
“Kiss me…” He moved his head closer to hers. Their foreheads pressed up against each other she felt like her heart was going to jump out of her throat. "Kiss me Talia." He was 90% of the way there, a mere centimeter or two and they’d be-“Kiss-“
And Haruma lost her forever, in that one kiss that stole her soul and enraptured her mind. Koyama twisted her bottom lip into his teeth and she felt herself groan into his mouth. He let go of her panting. “It isn’t just me. I know it isn’t just me Talia. Don’t ignore this. I’ll get us to where this is supposed to go…just don’t be too scared to come with me.” Talia shivered as she looked at him. This was the man she was contemplating leaving Haruma for.
She slowly pulled out her phone and dialed Haruma’s number and cleared her throat. “Haruma?’
“Talia where are you?” He sounded worried. It made her feel worse for what she was about to do but it didn’t make her feel like stopping. She looked back straight into Koyama’s eyes as she spoke, seeing the person she was harming Haruma for gave her a sick sort of strength.
“I’m fine, I’m just not feeling well. The wine caught up with me,” Koyama bit back a laugh at this and she glared at him. He found this funny? Asshole. “and I think I might head home.”
“I can’t- we can't leave yet babe-“
“Look I know you’re getting your award baby,” Koyama stopped laughing. In fact, he looked considerably jealous that she was still referring to Haruma affectionately in front of him. His face was blank like a canvas. “Just stay. Come home later after celebrating with your boys. I’ll feel better by the time you get home.”
“But Tali just stay a littl-“
“Look I’m not going to take this night away from you but I really can't stay Haru." She uttered out and hoped that would be it.
“Okay…fine.” Haruma sounded like he didn’t understand why she was pushing this but she hoped that he’d just take it as another way she was trying to please him. “I’ll see you when I get home…I love you.”
Talia shut her eyes. She couldn’t look at Koyama as she said this...because regardless of what she was doing with Koyama this was still true. “I love you too.”
By the time she’d hung up and looked at him she felt guilty. “Don’t look at me like that.” Koyama’s mouth was stretched into a smile as he looked down at his feet. From where Talia was standing it almost looked as if he was trying to hold back his face from her sight. Like he didn’t want her to see him but then he looked back at her and she was sure he was unaffected. “I know what I’m making you do. I get it. I’m not a fool.” I know it’s not going to turn out the way I want it to if your heart isn't in this.
She heard his silent words ring loudly in her ears as she started walking away from him. “Where are you going?”
“I thought we could get some dinner.” She paused at the door, Koyama started walking towards her and as they left the building, now truly safe from the stray eyes of the company, she reached for his hand. His fingers locked with hers. “I’m a little hungry. Are you hungry?”
“Good.” She nodded tucking her hair behind her ear.
So they ate, they laughed, they pretended like this was normal and it was allowed, like it was any other date. It was the best date Talia had ever been on. Koyama was hyper-aware of her, and he made every move possible to make sure she was comfortable with everything. Yet there was something distinctly manly about him, and he did boss her around a little…as bosses were prone to. She didn’t mind all that much though because what were his little flaws when faced with his kisses, the way he cradled her head when he laid her down against the soft pillow already, when he looked at her like he’d never been more thankful for anything else?
When they felt like they were the same person when their eyes connected in that one moment and the rest of their problems melted away?
Even if she hated herself for making the decision to continue this, she couldn't bring herself to regret it.
He was worth it.
Much longer. Much much longer than any chapter written for Faith so far.
I hope you guys enjoyed it :D thank you to Lil Daisy for your reviews!!! Love you all! Mwah
Happy Anniversary :D
“Take it back before I make you regret saying that.”
"Thankfully only you bring out this horribly pick up artist in me."
“Okay…fine, you don’t have fat lips. It’s not even a bad thing to say! Really! I enjoy them a lot, the one part of you that’s totally obese."
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