Reviews For Sweet Christmas

Kumohime reviewed Sweet Christmas on Dec 25, 2013 10:36 AM [Report This]

Sweet story. It was very cute how they ended up together, it was really fate, huh?

I do agree with Annie's comment, love seemed a bit much, I did get the feeling of them starting to fall in love, them realizing the other is not the way they thought (if that makes sense, I don't know how to explain it better)

Other than that, I really enjoyed reading it and the story made me go "aawww" hahaha

I think I know you are, but in any case, this was a really sweet and cute story, thank you for sharing!!

Dreamy Luna reviewed Sweet Christmas on Dec 23, 2013 04:00 PM [Report This]

That was a cute and adorable long story! ^_^ Thank you for writing and sharing it with us! However, I don't understand how Eun Hye and Yong Hwa fell in love with each other. There wasn't love at first sight. They disliked each other's guts since the beginning until Eun Hye's cousin's wedding day. I'm sure they liked each other and had feelings for each other at the wedding day but did they love each other? Love is a strong word for me. I think it would have been more realistic if they had admitted their feelings to each other by saying "I like you." I didn't feel their love but I felt their feelings and attraction to each other. Again, this is just my opinion. =)

She just wanted to hit her head on the wall whenever her mom started to be pushy. I can so relate omg. XD

It was so funny when Shi Yoon was calling out for his sister and had no clue what was going on lmao

The flow of your story was good. You improved a lot since you started posting your stories here on AFF. =D I suggest you to continue working on your verb tenses and to work on the characterization of your characters. Your story had lots of dialogue but I suggest you to try to find a good balance between showing and telling. Here's a good article about it: http://chrismcmullen.wordpress.com/2013/11/17/show-tell/.

The spacing/flow of your story was usually good but there were a few parts that could have been improved.

Here are some tips:
1. Every time you switch to a different speaker, start a new paragraph.
2. Each speaker’s actual words and any actions and attribution associated with those words form a single paragraph.
3. Even if the speaker says only one word, with no accompanying attribution or action, it is a separate paragraph.
4. Start a new paragraph when you draw the reader’s attention to a different character, even if that character doesn’t actually speak.


Excerpt 1:
Eun Hye was trying to choose which cake she wanted to try from the display cases since there were too many to choose from. She actually had it down to four cakes: Coffee Cake, Mango Cake, Taro Cake, and Mocha Cake.

She was about to order when she heard the pastry chef and his business partner in the middle of an argument.

She couldn’t help but listen to their conversation especially after she heard something about a photographer bailing out.

From what she learned from her eavesdropping they needed one badly. She looked at the two men at the corner of her eyes and she thought of something.

Suggestion for Excerpt 1:
Eun Hye was trying to choose which cake she wanted to try from the display cases since there were too many to choose from. She actually had it down to four cakes: Coffee Cake, Mango Cake, Taro Cake, and Mocha Cake. She was about to order when she heard the pastry chef and his business partner in the middle of an argument. She couldn’t help but listen to their conversation especially after she heard something about a photographer bailing out. From what she learned from her eavesdropping they needed one badly. She looked at the two men at the corner of her eyes and she thought of something.

Explanation: I think the second version flows better than the first version. In the first version, I felt like there was a change of scene/character but it was the same scene and the same character.


Excerpt 2:

“Yong Hwa!” The pastry chef yelled at his friend before turning his attention to her.

“I apologized for his behavior.” The pastry chef bowed apologetically. “Are you ready to check-out?

Suggestion for Excerpt 2:

“Yong Hwa!” The pastry chef yelled at his friend before turning his attention to her. “I apologized for his behavior.” He bowed apologetically. “Are you ready to check-out?

Explanation: Idem as above.


Excerpt 3:

“Wow…you are!” Shi Yoon exclaimed and seemed more awake now, was starting to put two and two together.

“Wait…what’s going on today?” His eyes popped wide open when it dawned on him.

“Today is the luncheon with the whole family and then the Dinner Rehearsal.”

Eun Hye didn’t say a word.

“Hah! You’re avoiding the family.” He pointed at her in revelation.

Suggestion for Excerpt 3:

“Wow…you are!” Shi Yoon exclaimed and seemed more awake now, was starting to put two and two together. “Wait…what’s going on today?” His eyes popped wide open when it dawned on him. “Today is the luncheon with the whole family and then the Dinner Rehearsal.”

Eun Hye didn’t say a word.

“Hah! You’re avoiding the family.” He pointed at her in revelation.

Explanation: Idem as above.


Excerpt 4:
He looked back at her with disappointment in his eyes. “You think I was in with them.”

When he didn’t get any answer or reaction he just shook his head. “This conversation is pointless.”

He still didn’t see any reaction from her, just only plain blank and cold eyes.

“I’m done here. I thought that there was something but…” He stopped his sentence.

“What’s the use…I’m leaving.” He was a few feet away when he turned around. “By the way, the photos…I think it will be the best way to deal with my partner instead.”

Suggestion for Excerpt 4:
He looked back at her with disappointment in his eyes. “You think I was in with them.” When he didn’t get any answer or reaction he just shook his head. “This conversation is pointless.” He still didn’t see any reaction from her, just only plain blank and cold eyes. “I’m done here. I thought that there was something but…” He stopped his sentence. “What’s the use…I’m leaving.” He was a few feet away when he turned around. “By the way, the photos… I think it will be the best way to deal with my partner instead.”

Explanation: Idem as above.


Excerpt 5:
Once she was out of the building she turned around to make sure that her brother didn’t follow her. When she thought it was safe to go she turned her attention across the street.

When the lights turned red and the pedestrian sign changed to ‘walk’ she crossed the street and then went straight to the coffee shop.

Once she stepped inside she looked around the room for a familiar face.

“Yong Hwa, why don’t you help me bring some of the food in the dining table.”

It was loud enough for him to hear since she saw him froze on his tracks.

Suggestion for Excerpt 5:
Once she was out of the building she turned around to make sure that her brother didn’t follow her. When she thought it was safe to go she turned her attention across the street. When the lights turned red and the pedestrian sign changed to ‘walk’ she crossed the street and then went straight to the coffee shop. Once she stepped inside she looked around the room for a familiar face.

“Yong Hwa, why don’t you help me bring some of the food in the dining table.”

It was loud enough for him to hear since she saw him freeze on his tracks.

Explanation: Idem as above.


If you don't mind, I'd like to point out some errors I noticed. I'm going to correct them for you since you can't edit your story until the reveal day (Dec 26th). =) (By the way, I didn't make the changes for the five suggestions I mentioned earlier. It's up to you if you wish to make the changes or not.)

1. Yoon Eun Hye walked towards another display counter to see the other sweets they have. = Yoon Eun Hye walked towards another display counter to see the other sweets they had.

2. "Go head…I’ll just look around and see what you have displayed here." = "Go ahead… I’ll just look around and see what you have displayed here."

3. "Thank you. Do let me know if you picked out anything from our cakes." = "Thank you. Do let me know if you pick out anything from our cakes."

4. Now they don’t have any photographer for the shoot they will have tomorrow for their project. = Now they didn’t have any photographer for the shoot they will have tomorrow for their project.

5. The photo-shoot is tomorrow. = The photoshoot is tomorrow.

6. "Call that number if you decided to hire me." = "Call that number if you decide to hire me."

7. "You are right sir, but Ms. YEH just called me few minutes ago instructing me that if there’s a call from Sweet Moments Bakery to hire her, that she will accept it." = "You are right sir, but Ms. YEH just called me few minutes ago instructing me that if there’s a call from Sweet Moments Bakery to hire her, that she will accept it."

8. "You know how I want to be early in all my job." = "You know how I want to be early in all my jobs."

9. If I missed her I’ll send her a thank you card. = If I miss her, I’ll send her a thank you card.

10. If you changed your mind about lunch just let me know. = If you change your mind about lunch, just let me know.

11. He saw how his friend brightens up when he was talking to Eun Hye and vice versa. = He saw how his friend brightened up when he was talking to Eun Hye and vice versa.

12. Jong Hyun took her to one of her favorite Chinese Restaurant in the area. = Jong Hyun took her to one of her favorite Chinese restaurants in the area.

13. "So, there are men lined up for yours to pick." = "So, there are men lined up for you to pick."

14. Bon Appetite! = Bon Appetit!

15. A very anorexic looking girl who was probably under fed came bounding up behind him. = A very anorexic looking girl who was probably underfed came bounding up behind him.

16. "They are some guest on my cousin side of the family." = "They are some guests on my cousin's side of the family."

17. "You know, when I’m not at the receiving end of that sharp tongue of yours, the things that comes out of your mouth are actually funny." = "You know, when I’m not at the receiving end of that sharp tongue of yours, the things that come out of your mouth are actually funny."

18. Her cousin doesn’t want to let it go. = Her cousin didn't want to let it go.

19. "Wait…both of your mom’s?" = "Wait…both of your moms?"

20. A familiar masculine voice said from behind her that brought some tingling sensation through-out her body. = A familiar masculine voice said from behind her that brought some tingling sensation throughout her body.

21. Eun Hye moved away from their embrace and hooked her arm on his as they both face her parents. = Eun Hye moved away from their embrace and hooked her arm on his as they both faced her parents.

22. He loves her parents. One could tell that their marriage was built from love since they shine like they were still a newlywed couple. = He loved her parents. One could tell that their marriage was built from love since they shined like they were still a newlywed couple.

23. "I’m done here. I thought that there was something bet…" He stopped his sentence. = "I’m done here. I thought that there was something but…" He stopped his sentence.

24. "I thought you were only joking." Her mom sounded disappointment. = "I thought you were only joking." Her mom sounded disappointed.

25. "Yong Hwa, why don’t you help me brings some of the food in the dining table." = "Yong Hwa, why don’t you help me bring some of the food in the dining table."

26. It was loud enough for him to hear since she saw him froze on his tracks. = It was loud enough for him to hear since she saw him freeze on his tracks.

Anna Clair reviewed Sweet Christmas on Dec 19, 2013 05:18 PM [Report This]

I'm giggling away right now because I love how mischevious and cute both Yonghwa and Eun Hye were in this story. It makes sense that they'd fit together well neh!

Jong Hyun had a really sweet role too I thought for sure he was going to be more competitive so it was nice to see him have a more laid back role where he was just helping his friend get the girl :D I love all the CN Blue boys :D they're really cute neh!

Their make up was so funny and passionate at the same time! I'm glad they let themselves be vulnerable with each other. Si Yoon was hilarious XD

It was a very well-thought out story and the scenes flowed together quite well! You did a good job author! And Yonghwa and Eun Hye! *less than three* kyaaaa they're a cute couple neh? I can tell they inspire you well!

romantic swan reviewed Sweet Christmas on Dec 10, 2013 03:51 AM [Report This]

Yes it is a very sweet and romantic story. Love the plot and the flow not too rush and not too draggy. Nice job done. Write more but unfortunately I don't know who you are? I will give you a 10.

YoonEunHyeFan reviewed Sweet Christmas on Dec 07, 2013 01:49 PM [Report This]

aww this is so sweet great job! I love love how this ended and YEH YAY I love any story with YEH in it

biniBningPunkista reviewed Sweet Christmas on Dec 07, 2013 12:10 PM [Report This]

aaaaaahhhh... dear author. You already know what I think about this.

But I'm saying it again.. I love it. ^_^v

Blossy reviewed Sweet Christmas on Dec 07, 2013 05:47 AM [Report This]

Yong Hwa and Eun Hye couple! After their drama together, I can see them as a couple kekeke
Jong Hyun!!!! So cute helping them get together!
And omg the cousin who was getting married was Hyo Jin and Ji Sub! Kyaaaa awesome!!!
This was adorable story!
Haha poor Shi Yoon ruining the kiss and then having to runaway from angry mothers kekekeke

Uniquemikoto reviewed Sweet Christmas on Dec 06, 2013 05:34 AM [Report This]

Awww so sweet ~
Thank you for the storyy~ *heart*

Kristy reviewed Sweet Christmas on Dec 05, 2013 11:57 PM [Report This]

What an adorable little story! I really like the Yong Hwa and Eun Hye couple ever since their days in the drama together, and their couple life in this story is just as adorable! Photographer Eun Hye really fits her character, too, and I don't know why XD

Moving on, I really enjoyed the general plot of this story. It was so sweet, what wih Jong Hyun's friendship and the entire bakery. The characterization was also spot on! I particularly enjoyed the description of Sweet Moments; I'm a firm believer in the usage of diction and word choice to convey emotions to the reader. The plot twist had the right amount of irony to be expected, and the litlle breaks between the chunks were appropriately spaced to allow for easy reading. I loved it! Good job on the story :)

yukino78 reviewed Sweet Christmas on Dec 05, 2013 11:02 PM [Report This]

i do love Yoon Eun Hye!!! and Yong Hwa too...from MHIYD!!!
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