Yazz reviewed Day Out with Onee-chan's Boyfriend on Jun 18, 2011 07:31 PM [Report This]

Loved the bonding between Hikari and Hiroki. That was the cutest.

Yazz reviewed Lying to Onee-chan on Jun 18, 2011 07:25 PM [Report This]

Again Hikari is adorable. He does so much for his sister. I love Ayumu's and Hiroki's relationship too.

Yazz reviewed Onee-chan is Forgetful on Jun 18, 2011 07:20 PM [Report This]

I really love the bond between the brother and sister. Hikari is adorable looking after his sister like that.

Yazz reviewed Dear Onee-chan... I Miss You on Jun 18, 2011 06:39 PM [Report This]

That was sweet brother sister story.

Sakiyah reviewed Dear Onee-chan... I Miss You on Dec 30, 2010 11:43 PM [Report This]

simply adorable. i could cuddle the little brother.

Dark_Ich_Lu_Na reviewed Day Out with Onee-chan's Boyfriend on Nov 12, 2010 02:11 AM [Report This]

cute/sweet/funny/gud story :)

Qbert reviewed Lying to Onee-chan on Oct 30, 2010 07:49 AM [Report This]

Hehehe, XD I seemed to have skipped this story. A good one that this one is. Haven't found anything that was an error at all. So a good....great job with this story.
Author's Response: Yay one story that had no mistakes!!! ^^

Qbert reviewed Day Out with Onee-chan's Boyfriend on Oct 27, 2010 10:30 PM [Report This]

“If you say do,” Hikari responded nonchalantly.

I'm going to take a guess and that 'do' is suppose to be 'so'

watching different type and sizes of fishes,

it would be 'types'

seahorses, jelly fish, sharks, and many other sea creatures

It is Jellyfish surprisingly XD.

She was so shaken up seeing me get punched that she had frozen up.

This line could be shortened with the removal of get and had, with frozen changed to froze. Though since the speaking character is 8 years old, it is fine as is.

retract he’s good opinion on the guy.

his would be used in place of he's.

The girls’ face fell.

pluralize face and remove apostrophe from girls

“I do not!” the boy denied.

Would sound better with "I do not!" the boy quickly denied.

We should buy some dango’s from the street cart,”

dango with the apostrophe is making it a living thing. The plural form of dango is... dango x3.

Hikari stared at his retrieving back, stunned that he was being ignored.

Hikari is staring at his own back? What is it retrieving? :P 'Hikari stared at Hiroki's back, stunned'

Hiroki just grinned glad that he didn’t need to persuade her too much because she understood.

A comma after grinned.

brought you dangos


he said, a blush rising to his cheeks.

In place of the comma the word with would make it flow better.

Another good story to the Onee-chan series. x3

Tanniyah reviewed Day Out with Onee-chan's Boyfriend on Oct 26, 2010 04:46 PM [Report This]

that was so funny lolzzzzz i loved how the two went off on their own and ayu had run off to the library. hikari is so cute when he tries 2 hide his excitement. hiroki isso sweet 2. loved it. and post the next story soon

cahaya reviewed Day Out with Onee-chan's Boyfriend on Oct 24, 2010 04:18 PM [Report This]

evening B
interesting one shot
conversation between hikari n his mom kindda funny n interesting
hmm hiroki show up ...so hikari's sister at the library n forgets her handphone which hiroki thinks that she ignored him ...kekeke
glad hikari was there n answered all the questions raised by hiroki ...
funny when hikari mentioned that “At least there is a smart one in the relationship,” >> when hiroki told him that he already studied n top in class
seems like both hiroki n hikari having fun together...
ayu kindda surprised to see both hikari n hiroki at the library fetching her ...
wonder what gonna happen next...
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